So...You Don't Want My Money?


Today I decided to run over to Ye Olde Cheapo hair place to get my hair cut. It had gotten pretty long and was also pretty scraggly. It was time to do my yearly hack-it-all-off routine. I washed my hair, left it wet, and just pulled it into a ponytail. I figured it would save them from having to wash it (ie: get my top all wet) and they could just get right to work. The stylist sat me down in the chair and asked what I wanted to have done as she started yanking the band off my ponytail.
"Well, I'd like to get it cut about shoulder..." I started.
"Now, you don't really want it CUT, do you? Do you just want a tiny bit off the ends?" She continued over me.
"Yes, I want it cut. Make it about shoulder length. Right here." I pointed to where it should be cut to help the poor girl out. She obviously wasn't used to people going to a hair cut place to get their hair cut.
"But it's so pretty! You have such nice hair and you can carry long hair off since you're tall and thin." I was getting suspicious by this point, wondering if David had called ahead and instructed her to talk me out of it. "Throw in the words tall and thin and she'll be putty in your hands. " I could imagine him saying.
So I inisited on getting the cut I wanted, and even with all the pointing at the length I wanted, she still moved her scissors down about two inches. "So I'll start here..." And she snipped.
"No, no. Higher." I pointed again.
"Well, I'm sure you can carry this off, you do have the neck for it."
I am not quite sure what about the style I wanted offended her sensibilities, but at the end of it all, she did admit that it looked cute. "Do you want to put it back up in a ponytail?" She said as I went out the door. Maybe she'll save the clippings somewhere so she can remember the woman who ruined a perfectly good haircut done by someone else.

I Assure You, It's Perfectly Safe to Drink


A few weeks ago, I ran across a nice deal on bottled water. It was on sale for $1 per six-pack so I bought four, being El Cheapo. I brought it home and was very excited because I started drinking more water again trying to be fit and healthy and all that stuff.
I tore open the first pack and opened bottle #1. This horrible smell came out, kind of like old food that has been in the freezer way too long, only worse. I thought maybe it was the bottle, so I took a sip and it tasted just as bad, with an overpowering metallic taste. I wouldn't even give this stuff to my dog, or my plants for that matter. Being a concerned citizen, I promptly emailed the company, whom I'll call um.....CRYSTAL GEYSER. It took them a week to even answer my email, but they sounded very concerned and wanted me to call them so we could set up a time for them to collect a sample for testing to see what was wrong with it.
I called first thing this morning and was met by the droning voice of a woman who hates her job, hates me, and needs more coffee. She asked the date of my email and I thought we were getting somewhere. She would pull it up and read it in full. She would understand the gravity of the situation, the thousands of bottles they might have to recall, and thank me profusely for alerting them. "Uh, OK, well I need you to read me the code on the bottle above the expiration date."
She was already speaking faster in an effort to confuse me and make me hang up, but I perservered. I read the code and told her the expiration date of April 2008. "Ooooh, well, yeah, that's been sitting around in the store since APRIL, so it's going to taste old." I reminded her it isn't supposed to expire for two more years. No response.
"So, how are we going to get this to you so you guys can have a sample to test?" I asked.
"Oh, we don't need to test it. We haven't gotten any other complaints about that batch, so it's fine."
"But it's NOT fine. It stinks and tastes bad." I said.
"What probably happened is it was stored improperly, and some chemicals spilled on it in the store and it absorbed the smell. That's what you're tasting. I assure you it's PERFECTLY safe to drink." She instructed.
Huh? What? It's perfectly fine to ingest unknown chemicals? I was apparently silent for one second too long when she announced they'd send me some coupons as a good-will gesture. So I can buy more CRYSTAL GEYSER tainted bilge water.
I sent them another email, suggesting they keep their coupons. If I had the means, I'd take the water to an independent lab for testing. Anyone have a coupon?